Where Christina Grimmie got shot and killed at a concert…

Where 50 people killed and more than 50 people injured at a gay club…

All because of someone with a gun…

This is what I wrote in order to let the emotion out:


“How is this supposed to make any sense

aren’t humans said to be the most intelligent

species on this planet

help me understand it

How the hate of one person 

could kill the happiness of thousands

Is it the gun or it the one

who pulls the trigger?

or both, neither? does it matter?

We are the cause and the cure 

of all that’s wrong with the world

The books tell us we’re evolved

but we still got a lot to learn

When it comes to this…

If there is  a god above

he sure as hell knows nothing of love

Skin, hair, the way we talk

Beliefs, dreams, who we love

Underneath it all

there’s nothing to tell us apart

Past years, where we live

History, forget, forgive

So much love, 

how can it not be enough to share?

7 billion on this earth, no ones born a murderer 

what happes there along the way

from a kid, to a 29 old locked away

Lack in love, that’s all it is, yeah it all comes down to this

It all comes down, it all comes down to this…

Where there is no love, that whole is filled with hatred”


And it turned to a song…

“When it comes down to this” – Reaction song to the Orlando shootings

Since there are no more words, I’ll end this post with a quote from the ever so amazing musical RENT:

“Share love, give love, spread your love. Measure your life in love” – Seasons of love

All my love and sorrow



“Cool for the summer”- then what?

Beach 2016 is upon us… All you see around you is people running, working out, shopping for carrots and spinach, just to get that summer body.

You’ll be reading this and sooner or later figure out that you’ve read this before. Everywhere! But there’s more to it than “Being healthy” and you shouldn’t change the way you eat or exercise overnight because we all know that ain’t gonna last. You’re not making it easy for your body to adapt if you after maybe going for a run once a week, all of a sudden go to the gym everyday… You’ll end up with knees hurting, back aching and if you’re in bad luck you might even sprain an ankle or bust your knee cap…

With all fitness, diets and life changes in general it must come in moderation and develop gradually. What that means is you first need to change small things, little steps that will soon turn into a giant leap.

I started trying living a healthy lifestyle a few years ago. What I first did was going on crazy diets (and failing miserably) and working out, lifting weights… Which I was not used to at all and so my body was in pain all the time. And it always ended the same – binging. If you don’t know about my binging story then scroll down my page for my other health stories.

One day I just stopped drinking soda. I don’t even like soda or fizzy drinks so I just stopped drinking it. That helped me so much, to regain energy and basically starting to eat right. Most importantly I exchanged those drinks with water. I know you’ve heard this one before 😛 But that’s because it’s true. I had a water bottle next to me almost 24/7 and it prevented me from binging because when you feel hungry it’s likely you’re just thirsty. And no other liquid will satisfy your thirst better than water – trust me. Water also helps your digestion and makes your skin better 🙂 It’s just overall the best thing for starting a healthy lifestyle.

IT IS – a lifestyle. So don’t think  you’ll be done after the summer: “now I never have to wear shorts again (well at least not til next year when I just do the same thing over again)”. A healthy lifestyle is continuous all through the year and the seasons. It does not mean starving yourself, n’or does it mean abs, bubble butt or skinny (especially not skinny). It means you caring enough about your body and your happiness to say goodbye to what doesn’t do you good.

In food – processed sugars, saturated fat, lots of “E’s” – the weird numbers in the ingredients list with the big E in front of them? Yea those are supplicants, to make that ice cream taste like strawberries and have that color -without containing actual strawberries-Which, if it’s not obvious, isn’t nurturing your body’s needs in any way.

Tips for food: Forget the calorie count – look at the ingredient list instead. If it’s got more than 3-4 things you can’t even pronounce or have to look up on google – then leave it on the shelf and find a better alternative. And don’t forbid any foods, just try to think “health-ier “(meaning try to eat better than you did yesterday).

Fitness – You don’t have to get a gym membership (but it does motivate some people) or even workout to be healthy. If you wanna lose weight, you might wanna do some exercises other than running/ walking/jogging, but if you just want your body to feel good you basically need to move and of course the easiest way to do so is walking. Your biggest enemy is the couch. A chair is better but not for hours. Stand up at least once an hour to increase the blood flow to your legs as well to your brain (as I’m writing this I’ve been sitting by my desk for about 1,5 hours so I’m gonna go ahead and stand up for a minute or two ^^).

Tips for fitness: Find ways to exercise in your everyday life. Instead of taking the bus or the car, take the bike or walk. Get up earlier in the morning just to walk for 20 min around the neighbourhood or if you’re not a morning person (like myself) go for a quick run/hike after work/school or in the evening. Try to move as much as possible (I dance to music like a crazy person in my room… That’s my work out :P).

Motivation – the only motivation I’ve found actually works the best is the mantra to “love thyself” (excuse the Shakespeare in me). If you love your body and yourself, then all you have to do treat it as such!

While you’re at it, try and smile because you’ll feel and look better, just like that 😛

I have now been without soda and snacks such as crisps for 2 years, running twice a week and moving somehow everyday for about an hour 😛 Lately I’ve excluded chocolate (not entirely of course, daaah) and sweets and instead eating fruits and berries and just finding better ways of satisfying my sugar addiction 😛

I ain’t planning on or feel the urge to stuff my face at the end of the day, and I’m in love with that feeling ❤

xxx EJ

No means no… #Growl

Guess I only have a growl this time…

So you meet a person through a group of friends, at a party or just bumping into someone you barely know on the street… You talk for a bit and then you say goodbye and move on with your life, like you normally would. But then, you get a friend request, then a message, then a call… From this person you just met, or just don’t know at all but they apparently think you’re BFF’s or in many cases more than friends…

Now, I’m not one of of those people who just pretends to be busy just to avoid meeting a person I don’t like. I used to be, and I learned the hard way from that so now I just tell people like it is without of course being mean. It’s actually a lot nicer to let a person know if they’re coming on too strong and that you feel uncomfortable because maybe they’re not aware of this (but, you know, don’t be a douchebag while letting them know…).

So, when you tell this guy or girl to back off (but in a more delicate way) and they still keep on texting, calling, being a total pain… Then I get a bit angry. Don’t take me for an inconsiderate, mean b**ch, I am VERY nice to people, even when they don’t deserve it. But even the most caring and happy people, have their limits of how much bullsh*t they can take…

When you’re not the most socially secure person in the world, you’d rather not have to play the game of 20 questions or get interrogated every 2 hours, especially not by someone you don’t know or don’t have any interest in what so ever. These days if you tell someone you’re too busy to meet up, they think you don’t want to see ’em, even though you’re telling the truth. Because we live in a time where you’d rather tell the pretty lie than the ugly truth. If this one human being can’t take the fact that you’re just not interested, you don’t want to be their anything, or that you simply don’t have the time for them – Then they can hate you for that all they want but I have no obligation to you; I don’t owe you anything even though you obviously went through an awfully lot of trouble to track down my name, number and my every goddamn move… That’s your problem, not mine.

If you’re nice to me, I’m nice back – to a certain point when it becomes suffocating and almost creepy, in which case I’ll tell you. If you’re still being a stalker a**hole, I don’t need you in my life and have no issue telling you what I really think of you.

I used to try to put it all into metaphors, trying to give the signals and hidden messages to tell people that annoyed me to get lost, only it doesn’t work. Would you wanna decipher a message that basically tells you to take a hike? I wouldn’t, I’d rather have it said in a loophole-free sentence; so that I then could build a bridge and get over it. It just saves so much time.

So next time you try to say f*ck off in a nice way – just say that you’re not interested. They can take it! What they cannot take, is a hint.

No means NO! It does NOT mean: “Please try to convince me”

Not sure where I was going with this, it was just been bothering me. Even if you’re the one doing the friendly stalking or the one being stalked, you might learn something from this…



Decisions, decisions…


Whether it’s about choosing a school, or a job or just what you’re going to eat – but perhaps this post is more focused on bigger choices than dinner – it’s all so loaded with anxiety!

Just the thought of picking one thing over another, meaning you will have to miss out on something which means you potentially could choose poorly and what you decide may or may not affect the rest of your life…

Woah… Okay, that’s a bit dramatic but basically that’s the train of thought racing through my head when it gets down to making a decision.

You keep telling yourself that it doesn’t matter what you choose, cause you can always fix it later on. And if you try to get a second opinion – basically for someone to tell you what you already know- the ones you ask are probably gonna say something like: “Go with what you feel is right” or “what does your gut tell you?”

It’s not that easy when it’s about things you love. Or people you love. Whenever it comes to what makes you happy, and you have to discard what makes you happy to continue doing something else what also makes you happy – but might have more advantages… It’s not easy. Then again, what is? At least nothing worthwhile…

Decisions will forever get in the way of living, or is that what life is mainly about? Making decisions? Or at least they’re what makes you, who you are. And if you choose wrong, who is there to judge? Only you, that’s who.

If someone came to me with this dilemma (in my case choosing a music school up north  or a band here at home) then I would answer with a question:

“Which one do you feel would make you develop more and help you achieve your goal?”

If I answer those questions myself…I know what I should go with. Doesn’t mean I will.

xxx EJ


Health #2

About 7 months ago I wrote a blog post about “Health”. I realise that not much has changed since then.

My problems started around the age of 15. Before this I didn’t really mind the way I looked, and I didn’t care. Like when you’re a child, you’re just playing around, having fun, making friends, feel all sorts of emotions but haven’t really got the tools to deal with feelings. But then puberty hits you like lightning out of a blue sky. This is when I started gaining weight (not much but for me who’ve always been tiny, it was more then noticeable). I got an ass, thighs but no boobs so when looking at myself naked in the mirror I hated the way I looked. HATED IT!

Keeping a diary really helps me see how I was thinking at the time. I can go back and read what I felt about it. Now it all seems ridiculous to make such a big deal out of some curves. But it was more than that to me.

I felt ugly. Soooo, I tried everything to make it go away. Diets, workouts, starvation… It only lead to me binging at the end of the day after eating minimum amounts of food. Which is even worse then eating normal sized portions 3-5 times a day. It’s not that hard to believe the number of teens – girls and boys – who suffer from eating disorders, when you think about what they go through at that age! Curves, feelings, puberty as well as school, friends, family and maybe even your first relationship. Especially with all the propaganda of what the ideal body should look like…

I wasn’t even affected to the point that it became dangerous: but many, many others were. And now I find myself in the same position. I look in the mirror and I don’t hate what I see, but I still wish I could change a few things about myself. This is when myself that I still have all my limbs – and they all work perfectly! I My body is functional, wonderful and it literally carries the weight of my world on its shoulders.

Today I went for a run and it felt amazing! I love running! So what if I don’t have a bubble butt or model long, thin legs. I don’t care, because I love the fact that I look the way I look and I wouldn’t change anything if it wasn’t necessary for my life. And staying healthy, keep on moving and not worry that much about if my ass look too big in those jeans or if my thighs shakes like jelly when I run… It’s all me and it makes me who I am, partly. It’s not even half of ALL I am, because I will not be defined by my size, my non manicured nails or my wardrobe.

My point here is: Love yourself, believe in yourself and if you’re healthy and happy then nothing needs changing!

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken” – Oscar Wilde

Let yourself go

Busy Bee, that’s me… So, I’ve been abroad to Seoul, South Korea, visiting a friend and got home a few days ago. I’ve also started working again at my reoccurring seasonal job at a golf course and keeping my job as an assistent. On top of this I’ve been working out – gym, running and hiking – while also trying to work on my music. As you can imagine, overthinking things like I usually do on a daily basis, doesn’t happen as often because I simply don’t have the time or the energy to.

While working, singing and exorcising I don’t usually stay aware of how I look or what plans I have on a Friday night… So when I’m in the middle of getting lunch before work I get asked out by a random guy. Since I wasn’t expecting it at all, I acted really cool about it (which is not usually how I handle these sort of things) and now I have a date which I don’t have time to “prepare” for… But I think this is a good thing.

My point being for people who try to plan their life out and control what happens – Life doesn’t work like that and isn’t that the beauty of it? Maybe you would get more than you even bargained for by just not trying so hard and instead remaining open for whatever comes your way. I’m new to this way of being too, but I must say – it does sound less stressful.

“Life is what happens to you, while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon’s song “Beautiful Boy”

xxx EJ


This week I only have one HOWL to speak of…

So the other day I had my drivers exam… Fifth time’s a charm right?

Guess  what?? I passed! I have my licence! I don’t think I’ve felt this happy and proud of myself since the time I managed to maintain a “healthy lifestyle” for like three months… Which if you couldn’t tell was a very big deal for me so this is probably at least 10 times better than that!!

All I had to do was relax. Just not get stressed out by the fact that it was a test. Just drive! Just be safe – better safe than sorry right? And I passed! Such a relief! This massive burden off my shoulders just disappeared in that moment, because I’ve been so nervous about this for months now.

Yesterday I drove alone, for the first time in my life… It was a feeling difficult to describe… But “happy” is the word I’d normally use for this emotion. 😛

So if you have a test or something big coming up then just breathe, relax, and try not to overthink it. I can recommend this app I used to calm my tits: it’s called “Relax lite” and you can try out breathing exorcises as well as meditation and it works so good. I’ve still not managed to get my head around it… I’m a legitimate driver?!? Just amazeballs!

I feel invincible!! XD

xxx EJ